Slap stops here

Thought that the one person who reads this blog would find this funny.

To Whom It May Concern:

A few years ago, I, Barnabus Stinson, Esq., lost a slap bet. A man of my word, I graciously accepted my defeat with good cheer, humor, and most importantly, good looks. Unfortunately not everyone else involved in said bet has acted in such a gracious and professional manner, hence this letter of concern.

It has become increasingly evident that since the initiation of our slap bet in November of 2006, the judgment and impartiality of the Slap Bet Commissioner has become, to put it mildly, compromised. Submitted below are numerous examples of her incompetence:

- BIAS; On at least one occasion the Commissioner has had improper sexual contact with the other Slap Bet participant, Mr. Marshall Eriksen. If you’ve ever seen Marshall, you’ll know what I mean by improper – she could do much better.

- UNFAMILIARITY WITH THE SLAPBOOK; Recently, the Commissioner declared that slaps were transferable, a clear violation of both the spirit of Slap Bet as well as section 44.3 of the Slapbook as reprinted here:

44.3 Slap Transference
Are slaps transferable? Of course not.

- JUDGMENT ERRATA; The Commissioner loves the band “LFO.” Bad judgment? Check. Subsequently:

- PERSONAL ADDICTION; The Commissioner is addicted to shopping… girl be shopping! Will she rule in someone’s favor in exchange for a new pair of flat heel brown leather boots with whipstitch detailing? It’d be best if we never have to answer that question.

- PATRIOTIC ALLEGIANCE; There is no conclusive evidence one way or the other regarding the Commissioner’s affiliation with the Communist party. Is she a card-carrying member? I don’t know, but she sure wears a lot of red. A lot.

- IS A STUPID JERKFACE WHO DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO GET SLAPPED IN THE FACE; Yeah, what that guy said!

It is with this evidence in mind that I petition to have the Slap Bet Commissioner, Lilith Eriksen (NEE Aldrin), removed from her Slapreme Office, effective immediately. Please email Barneystinson@yahoo.com to sign the petition.

Humbly and handsomely yours,

Barney Stinson